Build a Better Marriage by Remembering Your Spouse in Little Things

The day you get married is one of the happiest moments in your life. (It was, right?) You and your spouse went in with a strong dedication and love for each other. At that moment, you never suspect that intense feelings will end.

Ok, now, fast-forward to reality. Unfortunately, feelings change because that’s simply the nature of emotions. You can’t lean on them - they make a lousy foundation for anything. Good feelings or bad!

When Reality Bites

Despite best intentions, it is normal (absolutely, positively normal) for the early romantic, sparkly, fireworks of feelings and passion in your marriage to diminish. This is true of every relationship - every one of them.

So if (when) this happens in yours, take courage - it doesn’t mean something is wrong. Rather, it means something is quite normal, and you need to build your marriage on a foundation much more firm than ever-changing feelings.

Circumstances change as well. Children, jobs and other commitments take up time, frequently leaving little remaining for your spouse. Since your mate is busy too, it is easy then to fall into the trap of putting each other’s needs and interests on the back burner.

As time passes, it can become way too easy to take each other for granted as well. For example, you rely on your spouse to be reliable and then forget to thank him/her for all the things done as an expression of love toward you. In turn, your beloved might feel underappreciated and even neglected.

Keeping that Loving Feeling

Though the intensity of your feelings will wane, the good news is that great romance doesn’t need to as well once the marriage vows are spoken. Since real love is an expression of commitment - not feelings - it will take effort from both parties to continually remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. With some effort and intentionality, you can still experience an even deeper love for decades.

Be realistic about your expectations, though. The beginning of your relationship may have been wine, roses and spontaneity - couples generally put their best foot forward in the early stages of a budding relationship. However in marriage, other important, time-consuming responsibilities may make it difficult - if not impossible - to continue the same pattern with nearly the frequency.

Love in the Little Things

Nevertheless, it is still possible to recreate the same passion and romance as at the start of your relationship. For example, doing small things for your partner can really help him/her feel loved and appreciated.

These “little things” include words and actions that are important to your mate, not necessarily to you. Over time, you will learn what is his/her “love language” and then routinely demonstrate your love that way. Such little things help strengthen a maturing marriage.

Additionally, try to develop a habit of sincerely telling your partner of your love each day. These consist of those three little words but for some reason they can be as hard to articulate as “I’m sorry.” However, those words mean quite a bit - your spouse needs to hear them. So avoid the error of assuming you don’t need to actually express your love verbally simply because the other person “already knows” you love them.

Another simple phrase to ingrain in your vocabulary is “thank you.” You need not wait for a grand event to use these words. If you spouse brings you coffee or even takes out the trash, make sure you thank them. It feels good to be appreciated and pays marital dividends both in the short and long-term.

Occasionally add little surprises to your beloved’s life. A note posted on the bathroom mirror or sending an email to him/her at work are quick, easy - and meaningful. They are effective because such expressions let your spouse know that you are thinking of them.

As marriages mature, the passion and time for romance may dwindle because life happens. It just does, so accept that as part of your long-term reality. That isn’t a bad thing - just different from dating. Unfortunately, this makes it then easy to take you partner for granted. Thus, a little extra effort each day on both sides can go a long way toward keeping the heart fires burning.