Committed Relationships Vs Dating Multiple Women - How And Why

February 1, 2011 by admin
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The idea that a guy should stay in a committed monogamous relationship is pretty much force-fed to us from every source on relationships available. Parents, women, media, and so forth, tell us that it is “bad” to sleep with more than one woman on a regular basis. If you do so, you are some kind of naughty bad boy, a player or even a womanizer. Decent men, we are told, pair up with one woman, and try to go the distance… Where on earth did this idea come from?

My goal in this article is to put up some information here that will help you to make a better decision about relationships for yourself. I do not want to impose my own morality here — I just want to put the facts before you. Morality is a funny thing, and often it is shaped by someone’s self-interest, and then rationalized and enforced later on. You need to check your premises on all moral issues such as these — not just buy into what is being force-fed to you from our society in our time.

On Polygamy

Most guys, the average guy, are in a bit of a conundrum. There are messages coming at us from everywhere saying that it is wrong to sleep with more than one woman, and yet you constantly have this inner drive to sleep with many women. If you choose to be in a relationship, you are going to have to compromise on this. Some guys go for committed relationships, and this can be very positive and satisfying for them when they find a great woman. But it necessarily includes a repression on your natural urges in order to gain whatever emotional security you find in a relationship, or whatever family goals you have. Some men cheat on their woman in order to get the most of this, but this is an awful situation too, because you are always having to lie, cover your tracks, and live in the fear of being caught out. Another thing that a guy will do, is try to protect himself from this situation, and end up uncommitted and lonely. So it seems there are three options, none of them too appealing right?

Most men just have not analyzed where their beliefs come from, and so they get stuck in this conundrum. No guy seems really to have solved this problem, and I cannot say that I have either — it is just a bizarre circumstance in the nature of human existence. We can see that the morality of monogamy can often come from religion — it is a sin to have multiple lovers, which is empowered by words like “fornication”, or “infidelity”. They make you feel dirty and bad, and fill people with disgust for men who seek more than one woman to have sex with. Faithfulness is seen as a great quality for men, and celibacy seen as a virtue. The further we go down this road, the further we repress sex and see sex as incongruous with higher moral ideals. Another reason we have this sentiment, is that before the time of condoms, and in the time of lesser medicine, etc., it was unhealthy to engage in promiscuous sex. Enforcing abstinence literally saved lives. There is one other reason I can see for this continued influence over our idea about relationships. For women, it is a great thing to date a guy who is going to be monogamous.

Women have a limited amount of “reproductive resources” compared to men — one egg a month, compared with a single male ejaculation that could inseminate the whole of North and South America. Additionally, women historically needed males to protect them and provide for them during pregnancy and their child’s early infant development. In an evolutionary sense like this, she cannot have her man spreading his resources around among other women. So girls have naturally evolved to want men to be monogamous, while men have evolved, generally speaking, to want to have various sexual partners if society (for instance their primitive tribe) permits it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, celibacy was rampant in our history. One man would have many wives and concubines, and very few others would have any women at all. In tribal cultures, men view women as property. The king of the tribe would get the most women, and the rest would literally get none. They controlled sex and women. That is no longer the case - there is no longer anyone saying, “you can only have sex with one woman, and your president can have sex with two hundred.” The sentiment seems to have stayed the same though. Few men realize that it is totally okay to have sex with as many women as you want, and nobody is going to stop you.

Women have “techniques” for making guys monogamous - you read about it in Cosmo magazine, and other resources for girls. I mean, no woman is going to force you into being monogamous, but as guys, we do get bombarded by a bunch of great strategies for making us monogamous. So we end up taking one of the three choices, to repress, to be lonely, or to cheat. Only recently is it becoming ‘cooler’ or more acceptable for men to be promiscuous (and the same is true for women), with the advent of sex-symbol rock-stars and hip-hop artists, etc.

Ideal Sexual Worlds

Most men, I think, would like a world where they have one woman that they care about, and a few women on the side. This makes evolutionary sense. Women, on the other hand, are really out to find a guy who is monogamous. Evolutionarily speaking, in their ideal world they would have one monogamous guy to provide for them the resources they need, and to protect them, and another guy who has the great genes who she wants to have sex with. This is generally a dichotomy between guys - two types, the provider and the lover. One guy she just is not going to be able to keep around, but who she wants to have sex with from time to time, and one guy who she loves as a husband. Mostly during times when she is most fertile, she will be more attracted to the other guy. It is almost like she is trying to get impregnated by the lover, and then get the provider to take care of her resources need (which in modern days means financial needs). Remember, most women are not aware of this at all, because it is instinctive, but “players” trigger this by not acting like a provider-type guy.

How to Live a Polygamous Life

To have these urges, as a guy or a girl, does not mean that you are a bad person — it is completely natural, and in accordance with what has worked best in our evolutionary history. You just need to find a way to live a life where you deal with these urges in a healthy way, that makes you and those around you feel good. A really good choice for this is to have relationships with women that are not “committed”. Women have tons of preconceived ideas about how a relationship should look like, and as long as you avoid these, you can get away with such a lifestyle. Do not call her randomly, do not text her, do not hang around her all the time — I.E. avoid acting like a boyfriend, and she will not see you that way, as much as she would want that from you. The first sign that you display of being a ‘boyfriend-type’ is going to trigger those feelings of being in a relationship with you. Women get a lot of pressure from family, friends, and so forth about guys they see -”is this a serious thing/are you sleeping with him and he’s not even your boyfriend?” Women are very conscious about their reputation - especially about not coming across as a “slut.”

Whatever evidence you give of being a boyfriend to her is going to bring those feelings out more in her mind — something like speaking to her on the phone a lot does not indicate a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic to you, but it does to her. Eventually it reaches a breaking point, where she wants to find out where the “relationship” is going, and you both realize that you are on completely different pages. Ultimately this is a terrible situation — you really did just think that you were “hanging out” with her, but meanwhile she has been speaking about you to her friends, to her family, and concretizing in her mind the rationalization that you want to be her boyfriend. It is your responsibility not to wind up in this situation, otherwise you are not only going to appear to be a total jerk to her, but to her entire social circle, which likely will include other girls you like. Perhaps even some of your guy friends will turn against you because of this. Pretty much every guy experiences this at some point in their dating life, before they realize that if you are not interested in being this girl’s boyfriend, you must stop acting like you might, because she will see what she wants to see no matter how many times you tell her it is not serious. Ultimately, this is a natural consequence of the type of lifestyle that you are presenting to her. If you are showing her that you have other women in your life, and that you are super busy, for instance traveling all the time, and so on, you are naturally not going to come across as a boyfriend-type, and she will not be looking out for those signals. Let her know that you spend time with a lot of girls — she will not have a problem with you being a popular guy.

Most girls will not come with direct questions like, ‘are we in a relationship?’ — these days they know that this just causes guys to close down, instead of leading to a productive conversation. They have formed better strategies to find out these things, subtler means of figuring out where things are going. The best way to deal with it is just to let her know that you have a very active lifestyle, which implies that it is unlikely that you are going to go for a committed relationship. Stay positive and humorous and you will not seem like a jerk, which girls usually think player-type guys are. On the other hand, you could just out and tell her exactly where things are going — maybe you are just at a period of life where you are exploring and allowing yourself to grow in a certain direction? The point is, there are good ways to deal with this, in a way that the girl will “get”, and you will not end up hurting her just because you didn’t have the guts to tell her straight. Do not give her the signals that might make her think that you are in a relationship. Ironically, guys tend to lead girls on because they do not want to hurt her, and then one day you break her heart when she realizes that all that time you were just being a huge fake.

Monogamy

I often think that most guys in monogamous relationships are just settling, because of societal pressures or because of their own laziness. A reason guys get into committed relationships is that it provides a more stable means of getting sex. As a single guy, you are going to need to be having continuous one-night-stands to satisfy yourself sexually, or have girls in your social circle who you can sleep with basically whenever you want to. The problem with last solution is that these girls are going to be coming in and out of relationships themselves all the time, and you cannot rely on this alone. So you are necessarily going to have to be going out all the time and meeting new girls, and this obviously takes a lot of effort. So many guys sacrifice their sexual variety in order to gain the sexual consistency. Do I think this is an adequate reason to be in a relationship? Absolutely not. Never get into a relationship just because you are not willing to go through the process and effort of dating multiple women.

Why Monogamy?

A problem that most men run up against when considering being in a relationship, is that they view sex as, merely, sex. Most guys do not care about advanced sexual techniques, or having great sex, it is just about having sex, and that is why they would prefer the sexual variety. What kind of sex life or emotional life do you really want with the women you are seeing? If you consider that there is nothing wrong with having multiple strong relationships with women, what is it that you really want out of your dating life? Imagine you have perfect sexual abundance. You have the ideal male world of multiple beautiful sexual partners. Why would a guy in this position want a serious relationship? I mean, guys do not need the emotional provision, or “companionship” that girls often seek in men. Let’s think about the “point of relationships”, which is the value that one person brings to the other. Is a girl contributing, or leaching off of my lifestyle? If I’m a successful guy, with a great lifestyle, social circle and emotions, is she contributing to that, or contracting that lifestyle? When choosing a girlfriend, you really need to think about your lifestyle with her in it — is she going to increase or decrease your fun?

If a girl is going to consistently increase your fun, then of course you are going to want to hang out with her more, and if you find her sexually attractive then you are going to be more than friends. You’ll start to prefer this girl to the others you are dating, and you’ll naturally start to spend more time with her. As a rule, “men look for sex and find love, women look for love and find sex.” You are going to begin to develop stronger emotional ties to this girl the more time you invest in her. You’ll get jealous when you notice other guys providing for her, and you’ll start to want to be that provider. This is a natural instinct that we have, and you can choose to ignore it and continue with dating multiple girls, or you can go down the road of a voluntary relationship. I use the word voluntary, as I believe that many guys in relationships are not there because they believe they have complete sexual abundance, but rather they think that if they do not give the girl the relationship she wants, they’re not going to be getting any at all. So you go down this road of voluntary committed relationship, knowing full well that if it turns out not to be something that you want, you can always go back to the dating lifestyle. Obviously this is the best state to be in when in a relationship, as you are going to tend to be less needy, controlling, and more natural in building a healthy relationship. The sex will gradually get better with this girl, as she begins to trust you more fully, as you learn how to turn her on better, and you begin to try new things with her. Your new feelings of attachment are going to inspire greater passion in you both, and a greater feeling of connectedness during sex.

The time you spend together will be more enjoyable, as good chemicals are being fired off in your neurology whenever you are together. Over time, you become more and more attached to her, more “in love”, you could say. You experience jealousy from time to time, you begin to miss her, you think about her a lot. And guess what? It turns out to be a very enjoyable experience. Other girls lose their hold on you. You look back on being single, and occasionally you miss the thrills of that, but it all seems slightly immature to you compared to these more developed ties you have. Watch out. It is kind of messed up, but girls in serious relationships tend to try (unconsciously) to turn you into a less attractive guy. You see it all the time, guys getting more and more submissive the longer they are in a relationship. In evolutionary terms, it means less competition from other girls for your girlfriend, and you are more likely that going to provide for her solely. She even feels more entitled to take on another lover with “better genes” than you, if you are walking around all day feeling submissive and less like a man. This is the kind of thing that happens to men who think that relationships are the “end of the game”, so to speak. That being single is a great misfortune, and that being a relationship is a boat full of happiness. As it turns out, being in a relationship is a lot harder work than being single. It takes a lot of thought and work and effort. As soon as you get lazy and stop putting in that effort, and get complacent, you are going to meet the consequences of that laziness. Think about how you are acting in the moment — not how cool you were when you started dating her, and how much you gave up to be with her — how much value you are offering in the moment, and then fifty years from now. It takes a lot to be on the ball like that all the time, but it is incredibly necessary if you want to make your relationship work.

The most important thing to consider when evaluating whether you want to be in a monogamous relationship or not, is whether it fits into your lifestyle. If you have a bunch of other things going on, if you are inspired by your work for instance, then you generally will not need other girls to give you excitement. You wake up in the morning with an ambitious attitude about so many things in your life, that to look over and see a woman that you love lying next to you is just another joy of life, who cares about other girls? This is your life, and you are bringing everything that you appreciate into it, including a girl that you want.

By: Graeme Alan

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

This post was guest-written by Graeme, who runs a Relationship Blog, Couple on Couples, with his girlfriend. Couple on Couples is the only website where an actual couple discusses relationship topics, gives relationship advice, shares personal stories, and reviews relationship products.

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Are You And Your Partner Compatible?

January 1, 2011 by admin
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Many relationships fail simply because you are not compatible with your partner, and no matter how much you love each other the relationship is just not going to work out. In any relationships communication between partners is vital to make them successful, and if you are not compatible with your partner this will be lacking. For example you may like to express your feelings of love and what you desire openly, where as your partner will be reserved and introverted in this aspect. It is important from the very beginning to find out whether you are compatible with your partner. Many people mistake great sex as being a barometer of whether they are compatible or not but this is a physical relationship and that is where it stops.

Open the lines of communication to see if you are compatible with your partner

If you do not talk to each other and discuss your likes and dislikes how are you going to find if you are compatible with each other? Everyone is unique with different personalities. Perhaps you love socializing with groups of friends but your partner prefers intimacy, and in this case you can already ask yourself will this sort of relationship work? There are a number of compatibility quizzes that can be done which will help you get a better understanding of whether you are compatible with your partner. Relationships where both partners try and force the relationship to work will end up in disaster because you are putting in too much effort of pleasing each other. In any relationships there are going to be arguments and disagreements which is normal and should not be mistaken that you are not compatible with your partner. Openly communicating is vital to see if you are compatible with your partner!

You are compatible with your partner!

Partners that have similar interests and likes and dislikes will probably make a better success of relationships. If you are compatible with each other you can take your relationship to the next level. You will probably be compatible if you enjoy being alone together; and a great night out for both of you can simply be a date to eat out together sitting and talking about life and enjoying each others company. This is also a better way to get to know each other better and while doing this you will find out many things about your partner that make him/her compatible with you. This is relationship communication at its best! All relationships take time to develop and finding out whether you are compatible with your partner or not can also take time. Sometimes it is not a case of what you see is what you get, because initially out of shyness and the newness of the relationship, can make a partner a little less open about themselves.

A Soul mate Is The ultimate Compatibility in a relationship

Some people may be lucky enough to have discovered their soul mate, and if you have, then consider your self blessed because this means you are almost 100 percent compatible with each other. When you have this type of special partner then everything possible should be done to nurture the relationship into an unbreakable bond. No matter how compatible you may be with each other there will still be misunderstandings and arguments in this type of relationship, but after breaking up no doubt you will always end up making up because you were truly made for each other.

By: Richard Lifeswayz

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Learn ways to enjoy your relationship to the maximum by using advice, guides and experience from Richard. Use tips from this experienced author with confidence to help you make the right choices when things go wrong in relationships. Great Relationship Tips

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Journey To A Better Relationship

January 1, 2011 by admin
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The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

This is where we face our fears, learn our lessons and begin to seek the light. We often do not notice the sun high in the sky on a bright summer day. But when we walk outside on a dark night we are drawn to the shiny stars, which are like pinholes in the night sky. Before modern technology we used these stars to find our way through the night.

Follow the line of the spiral through the darkness and you will see that it returns to the light. It does not just return but it goes even higher into the light. The reward for journeying into the dark is to bring the subconscious into the light for illumination. This gives us greater access to our sacred self by integrating the lessons of our shadow. The benefit of going through the dark and facing our fear is not only to heal our wounds and feel better but also to gather strength and tools to face other challenges in life.

Unfortunately, most people spend their lives and relationships hovering just above the centerline before the spiral dips down into the darkness for the second time. They stay stuck in dead end jobs that suck the life out of them. They settle for relationships that are dull, listless and boring. They resign themselves to a life of mediocrity in order to avoid the intensity of going through the growth process that requires facing the dark night of the soul. They focus on small things like getting a bigger house or car, losing ten pounds or buying more stuff that they hope will fill up the hole inside of them. It is not so much that they refuse to face their pain but rather that they don’t have any idea how to travel through their shadow side and create a better relationship.

The first time we go through the process we are like a fool going along on our merry way until the floor drops out from under our feet and lands us on our bottom in a pile of crap. We are completely innocent and totally destroyed. No wonder 95% of people live their lives statistically similar to their parents.

Only 5% of the population will profoundly change their lives from what they experienced as children in ways such as social-economic status, level of education, even living within a 50-mile radius. The number one reason for this stagnation is lack of growth. Why? As human beings we like homeostasis. For most people change is like a bolt of lightning and comes as an external force such as getting laid off from your job.

Positive change happens in the same way like a chance meeting that leads to marriage or finding out you are pregnant. Because change happens as a blast we are not prepared and struggle to get grounded again. So life has taught us that change is scary, and that we have no power or control. The blast of change that “happens” to us forces us to feel emotions that we have buried, after all it is not feelings of happiness that we are avoiding.

Just like sharks need to move in order to breathe or to live, as human beings we need to grow in order to thrive. We have the free will to tread water. Treading water keeps us in that stuck place and prevents us from feeling pain. But treading water comes with an enormous price tag it blocks our ability to grow, which makes our lives mean, small and narrow. The one question I ask my clients that I believe determines how one moves through difficult things in their lives is “Why do we have life and what happens when we die?” Most people who will answer that there is something more after life and that some how what we do here affects what will happen after we die; that we are here to learn something for some reason.

I was talking about this with one client in particular who had an extremely violent and abusive childhood. She stared at me with terror in her eyes and spat out with venom “So you think that there is a reason that my dad did all those horrible things to me”. And I looked back into her eyes with love and compassion and said think about it this way, wouldn’t it be worse if there was no reason. No reason for all the pain and suffering on this earth.

No reason for all the awful things that people go through and do. Because to me be that would be cruel and pointless and depressing. And God would have to have a sick sense of humor. And I challenged her to think about how those experiences have shaped her life, who she is because of what she has been through and what she has learned. And over time she was able to release the pain and forgive in a way that left her whole and at peace.

Yes life is full of crap. But if you allow and if you chose to struggle and feel again and start walking on your journey again. Then you can let all that crap decompose and turn into a rich fertilizer that you can then use to grow strong and tall. Everyone has crap. Every life has pain. That is not something we can avoid, it just happens to us.

But everyone also has the free will to get stuck in the never ending but tolerable dull ache or to dig in and feel that pain briefly and intensely, which will lead to opening your heart up again to love and joy and happiness. To be whole requires us to embrace our light and our shadow side. What doesn’t kill us makes us whole. It is only in the darkness that we can seek the light. Where fear and anger and resentment grips your life there you will find your victories.

As endless beings we are destined to heal everything and become whole. It is our free will that determines how long it will take us to begin the healing process by facing the darkness. It is only by walking through the dark night of the soul that we can come to stand in the full light of day and journey to a better relationship with all those in our lives.

By: Jean Kadkhodaian

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

Ray & Jean Kadkhodaian are the founders and creaters of the Emotional Wellness Vision. Their model provides a myriad of emotional wellness tools to help others create better and more fulfilling relationships. Through their revolutionary model, they have helped tremendous numbers of people enhance their relationship from ‘good’ to ‘Great’. Their extraordinary report on ‘Better Relationships’ is availalbe for Free for a limited time. Click here to dowload the report as a free bonus. Better Relationship

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Working Out Do I Still Love My Ex and What To Do

December 1, 2010 by admin
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Everyone struggles with their emotions one way or another. Some people understand their emotions and themselves reasonably well, but for most people understanding what makes them and others tick is difficult. Nothing is more confusing than working out how you feel about people you love and people you had relationships with, especially an ex. Even after a significant period it is not unusual for a person to think, “Do I still love my ex?”

Working out how you feel about an ex is necessary for moving on and building new relationships successfully. Any emotional “baggage” that you carry with you from a past relationship is going to affect your present or future relationships. If there are underlying issues or emotional connections between you and a previous partner it will affect how you relate to a new partner and you run the risk of that “load” adding to the factors that erode a relationships foundation, and it makes your new relationship much harder work.

So it is important to work out how you feel about your ex so that you can resolve the issue and go forward unencumbered.

The next thing to determine is how you feel about your ex and you can do that by checking out the following questions. The answers you give will help you pinpoint your feelings and help you decide what you need to do next.

• Do you still try to see your ex?

When you love someone, you want to see them or speak with them, so if you find yourself calling your ex’s number just to hear their voice, or you drive past their home in the hopes of “accidentally” seeing them, then you may still have strong feelings for them.

• Do you still think about your ex?

When you love someone they are on your mind most of the time. Things like your favorite love song or watching a romantic movie will immediately get your thoughts tuned to your ex. They are the first person you want to talk with when something new happens to you and you want to share it with someone.

• Do you feel bad at the thought of your ex with someone else?

When you love someone, the thought of your love interest moving on and being with another person makes you feel really bad. You still feel on some level that they belong with you and to see them with someone else crosses a line, especially if you had been physically intimate with them. It feels like a tearing of a connection, and you would be right, there is a breaking of that connection in that circumstance.

If you have answered yes to these questions it is more likely that you have been thinking “I still love my ex” too, and that you have some unresolved issues that need to be addressed in order for you to move on.

So what do you do now? Do you want to move on and get over these feelings or do you want to try to reconnect with your ex and rebuild your broken relationship? Whatever you decide there are ways to achieve this and it is just a matter of getting the right information to help you make good progress.

If you have just realized that you have been thinking, “I still love my ex” all this time and need some ideas to rebuild the love between you, then go to - http://myrelationshiphelp.info
(There is also great information in the “Clean Slate Method” to get you back on track, either moving on or reconnecting.)

Find out what thousands of happy couples do to get and keep their flame of love burning hot!
- Wishing you love and success - Jo Baker

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Important Steps To Getting Over A Married Man

November 5, 2010 by admin
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Any woman who has been involved in an affair will tell you that getting over someone married is not as easy as it may seem. Many girls get involved with married men when they know that they will not be in a relationship forever. However, this does not make it any easier when the time finally comes when you have to part ways with the married man you were involved with. You should therefore be aware of some of the necessary steps to getting over a married man so that you can manage to get on with your own life.

The following are some of the measures that will help you in getting over a married man and be able to form a more stable relationship later in life.

Avoid any romantic relationships for a while

While this step is important when you are dealing with the break-up of any type of romantic relationship, it is even more important when you are dealing with getting over a married man. You should stop getting involved with any other guy for the time being. During this time, you should determine what you would really like to get in a guy.

What were the things that drew you to the married man?

There are very many reasons that drive girls to start relationships with married men, and you should determine what your real reasons were. For instance, it could simply be that you enjoyed the challenge that such a relationship brought. Or it could be that you wanted the security of someone who could not make any serious commitment. Could it be that you truly loved him? Understanding the underlying reason will help you in getting over a married man more easily.

Determine what a relationship means to you

Relationship involves two people, and you need to find out the things that you would like to get in a relationship. This is something that you need to deal with in order to help you in getting over a married man and in forming another relationship later on. You will have better chances of success.

Enjoy your time alone

Although any romantic relationship is emotionally taxing, it is more so when you are dealing with getting over a married man. For instance, it is easier to receive the support of the people who are close to you if you break up with a single guy. However, since some of your friends and family members will frown upon your relationship with a married man in the first place, the needed support will be difficult to come by. Even if they did not know of the relationship, you will most likely feel guilty about sharing your ‘little secret’.

By: Teece Go

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

These steps are helpful when you are struggling with getting over someone or about relationship so that you can put your life back on track. You will need to learn to forgive yourself first. Then you should check the following resources so that you can learn how to build more stable and better relationships when things go wrong: get over married man or www.marriagecure.com

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Guided Meditation to Release Bad Relationships

November 3, 2010 by admin
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What is Guided Meditation

Guided meditation is a way of practicing meditation with the assistance of another person. This can be done in person with a group of people where one person facilitates the meditation or one can use a recorded guided meditation. This is a nice way to relax the body, mind and spirit, and is often used by beginners. Use the following guided meditation for clearing out bad relationships. You may want to have someone read it to you, or you can read it ahead of time and then go through the guided meditation on your own.

Guided Meditation Process

Let us begin this guided meditation. Take a few moments to settle into your body by using your breath. Use your breath continuously throughout the guided meditation to help you relax while releasing any attachments that may have been throwing you off center. Now, see yourself as a bright sun without any connections to your family, friends, teachers, or anyone in your life. Clear the energy field around you by focusing on your solar plexus and releasing attachments to people in your life who drain your energy.

Visualize the people in your life and one by one, ask yourself, “Does this person support my highest good?” Listen to your body and without judgment have the courage to hear the truth. If your answer is yes, then you will want to continue spending time with this person. If the answer is no, then take some time apart, at least during this guided meditation. Maybe this person will leave your life and maybe not, but changing your perception, will change the nature of your relationship. Use this guided meditation to let go of old scripts; releasing these attachments will clear the path to a more fulfilled life.

Now, one by one, release any negative cords you may have with another during this guided meditation. Ask that these cords of energy be dissolved and call back any pieces of yourself that you have given to another. Maybe you let someone have power over you, or you did something for another and short changed yourself. If this feels difficult for you, ask for assistance from your guides or angels to help you release these cords. Send these energetic cords off with love, by visualizing them going away from you, one by time.

When you are complete, clear yourself by using the golden rays of the sun to enter your body from the crown, moving into your solar plexus, and all the way down your body, clearing out your entire auric field. As you close this guided meditation, take a few moments of silence and listen to your breath. Breathe for a few moments reflecting back on your experience. Be with yourself and feel the lightness of your being, without other people around you. Give thanks for your willingness to clear yourself throughout this guided meditation. Visualize the warmth of the sun coming into your body and allow it to nurture you, as you feel it penetrate your body. When you feel complete, go about your day, and remember to keep yourself clear of other people’s agendas. You do not have to take on their issues; focus on what you want to create for your day.

You may want to use this guided meditation several times until you are able to clear the people out of your life, who have attached to you energetically. It is a process that works best over time, so that you can continue to release the people with whom there is not a mutual exchange. Some of them may have very strong energy cords. If so, find the inner strength to release them by using this guided meditation. If possible, identify the pattern of these energetic attachments (caretaker, martyr, controller, etc.) so that you recognize them and do not have to repeat them. Whenever you use this guided meditation, remember to send each of these relationships off with love; as you do not want to have any repercussions come back at you. Compassion with detachment is a great way to live. May all your relationships be blessed.

Kellyna Kaleolani Campbell is an internationally known workshop leader and spiritual healer who has been seen on cable TV with “Positive Living TV” and has been heard across the country on AM talk radio and FM conscious living radio shows. She has worked with teenagers as a sponsor for Unity Church, mentored teens through a Colorado based program, “Let’s Go Live”, and has taught personal growth courses at Sonoma State University and Questa College. Her education includes UCSC (BS), Naropa Institute, International Breath Institute (CBF), California College of Physical Arts (CMT) and Colorado Cranial Institute (CCT). She has committed her life to the path of healing through study and practice. As a spiritual healer with a beautiful heart, Kellyna encourages people to look within themselves to discover their soul’s purpose. You can view her retreats, healing products, and services at http://www.9innerjewels.com and her new ebook, Prayer Book for Women at http://www.prayerbookforwomen.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kellyna_Kaleolani_Campbell

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Breaking the Cycle of Bad Relationships

November 3, 2010 by admin
Filed under Editors Picks, Relationship Advice

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A good relationship has three functions: it should make both partners happy; it should make them feel good about themselves and it should bring out the best in both. If one or more of these functions aren’t being fulfilled, the relationship by definition is problematic.

Many people grow up in happy, loving families where they see their parents treating each-other with care and respect. As children, they are given all the love and affirmation they need in order to grow up confident and secure. These people have little trouble forming healthy, happy romantic relationships.

Those individuals whose parents were in conflict, or were neglectful or even abusive to the children are lacking in the good foundation that the former group was able to establish. Some of these people fear closeness because being open and vulnerable could mean being hurt or rejected. Their ambivalence around intimacy leads them to choose partners who are unavailable or unable to commit.

Some people expect their romantic partner to treat them the way their parents did, and enter into their relationships defensive or even somewhat hostile toward their innocent and unknowing partner. On the other hand, many people from bad childhoods will choose a partner who is as cruel or rejecting as their parents were.

They do this for a few reasons: people go for what is familiar even if it’s hurtful, because it’s less anxiety-provoking than something new and unknown. They will also stay with a hurtful partner out of insecurity and the fear of being alone.

Another reason why people choose partners who resemble their parents is out of what Freud calls the “repetition compulsion.” This is an unconscious attempt to vicariously heal their parent-child relationship through their current one. The inner wish is that by transforming a rejecting or abusive partner into a loving, accepting one they’ll also somehow heal the emotional wounds of their childhood.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t work because for one, the chances of making someone change are slim to none. Secondly, even if this person were to change, the truth is that no relationship in the present can heal the emotional wounds created in the past. The person engaging in the repetition compulsion will remain in a bad relationship, hoping unsuccessfully that things will get better and suffering enormously in the process.

If you find yourself going in and out of frustrating, dissatisfying relationships, the solution is to see that either you’ve been continually choosing the wrong partner or that you’ve been projecting the qualities of your parents onto someone who in reality, is nothing like these people. You also need to recognize that your fear of being alone is based on a lack of self-confidence and self-love.

In order to be in a satisfying, non-conflictual relationship it’s essential to heal the emotional wounds you’ve been carrying. You’ll need to face the losses you experienced during childhood and actively grieve them until you can let go of whatever pain or anger you’ve been carrying. This will enable you to approach a partner without the unconscious expectation that they’ll hurt or reject you.

You’ll need to learn how to give yourself the love, affirmation and protection that was lacking in the past, and this will enable you to feel less afraid of rejection, and to trust that you can be comfortable on your own. Grieving your losses and developing self-love will result in your letting go of the need to choose unavailable partners or to engage in the repetition-compulsion.

By taking responsibility for dealing with your emotional issues, you’ll make it possible to enter into relationships unburdened by the fears, beliefs or expectations created by the wounds of the past. Healing yourself will free you to choose loving, caring partners who, like you, are looking for meaningful companionship and intimacy.

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By Marcia Sirota