What Are The Ways To Stop A Divorce - Prevent Divorce With These Methods?

There are many ways to stop a divorce, and it is already a good thing on your part that you are seeking for help in order to save your marriage and preserve your family. This is one of the most important aspects in keeping your marriage; to have at least one of the spouses, although ideally both, the intentions and determination to keep the relationship going strong. Without willingness from either one of you, it would be hard to prevent separation from happening.

One of the many ways to stop a divorce is to uncover the real issues of your troubled relationship; you can discern about these matters and try to bring it up with your spouse in order to make things better. If your spouse is not willing to cooperate, then you should have one-on-one discussion to clear things out and try to find solutions to the problems or conflicts both of you have with each other. If your discussion regularly ends up in arguments; then you should seek the advice of professional marriage counselors who will guide both of you towards reconciliation. This method may be expensive on your end because of the high professional fees of these experts, but it is definitely worth investing for the sake of unity and love in your family.
Just bear in mind that you have to be mature and rational enough when dealing with this kind of situation. You should be able to properly manage and control your emotion so that you are not emotional when talking this out with your partner. In some instances, people tend to become so emotional and agitated during the conversation with their spouse regarding their troubled relationship that they end up begging their partner in a desperate move. Don’t do this because in most cases, this will usually end up in separation. Desperation will generally result in a back lash on you because most people don’t like dealing with desperate individuals as they feel threatened and coerced. Consequently they try to avoid such a situation and the person. This is one of the many ways to stop a divorce which you should always remember. Many people who disregarded this advice usually end up separated with their partner, and you don’t want that to happen to you.
There are still many things you can do which you alone are more than capable of. You will be surprised that when you keep your cool, you are capable of coming up with better plans considering that you have already known the kind of person your spouse is. The things mentioned only serve as your guide to help you out in coming up with the best ways to stop a divorce.

By: Leo Goodyear

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Click here to learn how to save a marriage. Reality of Getting Your Ex Back.

Committed Relationships Vs Dating Multiple Women - How And Why

The idea that a guy should stay in a committed monogamous relationship is pretty much force-fed to us from every source on relationships available. Parents, women, media, and so forth, tell us that it is “bad” to sleep with more than one woman on a regular basis. If you do so, you are some kind of naughty bad boy, a player or even a womanizer. Decent men, we are told, pair up with one woman, and try to go the distance… Where on earth did this idea come from?

My goal in this article is to put up some information here that will help you to make a better decision about relationships for yourself. I do not want to impose my own morality here — I just want to put the facts before you. Morality is a funny thing, and often it is shaped by someone’s self-interest, and then rationalized and enforced later on. You need to check your premises on all moral issues such as these — not just buy into what is being force-fed to you from our society in our time.

On Polygamy

Most guys, the average guy, are in a bit of a conundrum. There are messages coming at us from everywhere saying that it is wrong to sleep with more than one woman, and yet you constantly have this inner drive to sleep with many women. If you choose to be in a relationship, you are going to have to compromise on this. Some guys go for committed relationships, and this can be very positive and satisfying for them when they find a great woman. But it necessarily includes a repression on your natural urges in order to gain whatever emotional security you find in a relationship, or whatever family goals you have. Some men cheat on their woman in order to get the most of this, but this is an awful situation too, because you are always having to lie, cover your tracks, and live in the fear of being caught out. Another thing that a guy will do, is try to protect himself from this situation, and end up uncommitted and lonely. So it seems there are three options, none of them too appealing right?

Most men just have not analyzed where their beliefs come from, and so they get stuck in this conundrum. No guy seems really to have solved this problem, and I cannot say that I have either — it is just a bizarre circumstance in the nature of human existence. We can see that the morality of monogamy can often come from religion — it is a sin to have multiple lovers, which is empowered by words like “fornication”, or “infidelity”. They make you feel dirty and bad, and fill people with disgust for men who seek more than one woman to have sex with. Faithfulness is seen as a great quality for men, and celibacy seen as a virtue. The further we go down this road, the further we repress sex and see sex as incongruous with higher moral ideals. Another reason we have this sentiment, is that before the time of condoms, and in the time of lesser medicine, etc., it was unhealthy to engage in promiscuous sex. Enforcing abstinence literally saved lives. There is one other reason I can see for this continued influence over our idea about relationships. For women, it is a great thing to date a guy who is going to be monogamous.

Women have a limited amount of “reproductive resources” compared to men — one egg a month, compared with a single male ejaculation that could inseminate the whole of North and South America. Additionally, women historically needed males to protect them and provide for them during pregnancy and their child’s early infant development. In an evolutionary sense like this, she cannot have her man spreading his resources around among other women. So girls have naturally evolved to want men to be monogamous, while men have evolved, generally speaking, to want to have various sexual partners if society (for instance their primitive tribe) permits it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, celibacy was rampant in our history. One man would have many wives and concubines, and very few others would have any women at all. In tribal cultures, men view women as property. The king of the tribe would get the most women, and the rest would literally get none. They controlled sex and women. That is no longer the case - there is no longer anyone saying, “you can only have sex with one woman, and your president can have sex with two hundred.” The sentiment seems to have stayed the same though. Few men realize that it is totally okay to have sex with as many women as you want, and nobody is going to stop you.

Women have “techniques” for making guys monogamous - you read about it in Cosmo magazine, and other resources for girls. I mean, no woman is going to force you into being monogamous, but as guys, we do get bombarded by a bunch of great strategies for making us monogamous. So we end up taking one of the three choices, to repress, to be lonely, or to cheat. Only recently is it becoming ‘cooler’ or more acceptable for men to be promiscuous (and the same is true for women), with the advent of sex-symbol rock-stars and hip-hop artists, etc.

Ideal Sexual Worlds

Most men, I think, would like a world where they have one woman that they care about, and a few women on the side. This makes evolutionary sense. Women, on the other hand, are really out to find a guy who is monogamous. Evolutionarily speaking, in their ideal world they would have one monogamous guy to provide for them the resources they need, and to protect them, and another guy who has the great genes who she wants to have sex with. This is generally a dichotomy between guys - two types, the provider and the lover. One guy she just is not going to be able to keep around, but who she wants to have sex with from time to time, and one guy who she loves as a husband. Mostly during times when she is most fertile, she will be more attracted to the other guy. It is almost like she is trying to get impregnated by the lover, and then get the provider to take care of her resources need (which in modern days means financial needs). Remember, most women are not aware of this at all, because it is instinctive, but “players” trigger this by not acting like a provider-type guy.

How to Live a Polygamous Life

To have these urges, as a guy or a girl, does not mean that you are a bad person — it is completely natural, and in accordance with what has worked best in our evolutionary history. You just need to find a way to live a life where you deal with these urges in a healthy way, that makes you and those around you feel good. A really good choice for this is to have relationships with women that are not “committed”. Women have tons of preconceived ideas about how a relationship should look like, and as long as you avoid these, you can get away with such a lifestyle. Do not call her randomly, do not text her, do not hang around her all the time — I.E. avoid acting like a boyfriend, and she will not see you that way, as much as she would want that from you. The first sign that you display of being a ‘boyfriend-type’ is going to trigger those feelings of being in a relationship with you. Women get a lot of pressure from family, friends, and so forth about guys they see -”is this a serious thing/are you sleeping with him and he’s not even your boyfriend?” Women are very conscious about their reputation - especially about not coming across as a “slut.”

Whatever evidence you give of being a boyfriend to her is going to bring those feelings out more in her mind — something like speaking to her on the phone a lot does not indicate a boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic to you, but it does to her. Eventually it reaches a breaking point, where she wants to find out where the “relationship” is going, and you both realize that you are on completely different pages. Ultimately this is a terrible situation — you really did just think that you were “hanging out” with her, but meanwhile she has been speaking about you to her friends, to her family, and concretizing in her mind the rationalization that you want to be her boyfriend. It is your responsibility not to wind up in this situation, otherwise you are not only going to appear to be a total jerk to her, but to her entire social circle, which likely will include other girls you like. Perhaps even some of your guy friends will turn against you because of this. Pretty much every guy experiences this at some point in their dating life, before they realize that if you are not interested in being this girl’s boyfriend, you must stop acting like you might, because she will see what she wants to see no matter how many times you tell her it is not serious. Ultimately, this is a natural consequence of the type of lifestyle that you are presenting to her. If you are showing her that you have other women in your life, and that you are super busy, for instance traveling all the time, and so on, you are naturally not going to come across as a boyfriend-type, and she will not be looking out for those signals. Let her know that you spend time with a lot of girls — she will not have a problem with you being a popular guy.

Most girls will not come with direct questions like, ‘are we in a relationship?’ — these days they know that this just causes guys to close down, instead of leading to a productive conversation. They have formed better strategies to find out these things, subtler means of figuring out where things are going. The best way to deal with it is just to let her know that you have a very active lifestyle, which implies that it is unlikely that you are going to go for a committed relationship. Stay positive and humorous and you will not seem like a jerk, which girls usually think player-type guys are. On the other hand, you could just out and tell her exactly where things are going — maybe you are just at a period of life where you are exploring and allowing yourself to grow in a certain direction? The point is, there are good ways to deal with this, in a way that the girl will “get”, and you will not end up hurting her just because you didn’t have the guts to tell her straight. Do not give her the signals that might make her think that you are in a relationship. Ironically, guys tend to lead girls on because they do not want to hurt her, and then one day you break her heart when she realizes that all that time you were just being a huge fake.

Monogamy

I often think that most guys in monogamous relationships are just settling, because of societal pressures or because of their own laziness. A reason guys get into committed relationships is that it provides a more stable means of getting sex. As a single guy, you are going to need to be having continuous one-night-stands to satisfy yourself sexually, or have girls in your social circle who you can sleep with basically whenever you want to. The problem with last solution is that these girls are going to be coming in and out of relationships themselves all the time, and you cannot rely on this alone. So you are necessarily going to have to be going out all the time and meeting new girls, and this obviously takes a lot of effort. So many guys sacrifice their sexual variety in order to gain the sexual consistency. Do I think this is an adequate reason to be in a relationship? Absolutely not. Never get into a relationship just because you are not willing to go through the process and effort of dating multiple women.

Why Monogamy?

A problem that most men run up against when considering being in a relationship, is that they view sex as, merely, sex. Most guys do not care about advanced sexual techniques, or having great sex, it is just about having sex, and that is why they would prefer the sexual variety. What kind of sex life or emotional life do you really want with the women you are seeing? If you consider that there is nothing wrong with having multiple strong relationships with women, what is it that you really want out of your dating life? Imagine you have perfect sexual abundance. You have the ideal male world of multiple beautiful sexual partners. Why would a guy in this position want a serious relationship? I mean, guys do not need the emotional provision, or “companionship” that girls often seek in men. Let’s think about the “point of relationships”, which is the value that one person brings to the other. Is a girl contributing, or leaching off of my lifestyle? If I’m a successful guy, with a great lifestyle, social circle and emotions, is she contributing to that, or contracting that lifestyle? When choosing a girlfriend, you really need to think about your lifestyle with her in it — is she going to increase or decrease your fun?

If a girl is going to consistently increase your fun, then of course you are going to want to hang out with her more, and if you find her sexually attractive then you are going to be more than friends. You’ll start to prefer this girl to the others you are dating, and you’ll naturally start to spend more time with her. As a rule, “men look for sex and find love, women look for love and find sex.” You are going to begin to develop stronger emotional ties to this girl the more time you invest in her. You’ll get jealous when you notice other guys providing for her, and you’ll start to want to be that provider. This is a natural instinct that we have, and you can choose to ignore it and continue with dating multiple girls, or you can go down the road of a voluntary relationship. I use the word voluntary, as I believe that many guys in relationships are not there because they believe they have complete sexual abundance, but rather they think that if they do not give the girl the relationship she wants, they’re not going to be getting any at all. So you go down this road of voluntary committed relationship, knowing full well that if it turns out not to be something that you want, you can always go back to the dating lifestyle. Obviously this is the best state to be in when in a relationship, as you are going to tend to be less needy, controlling, and more natural in building a healthy relationship. The sex will gradually get better with this girl, as she begins to trust you more fully, as you learn how to turn her on better, and you begin to try new things with her. Your new feelings of attachment are going to inspire greater passion in you both, and a greater feeling of connectedness during sex.

The time you spend together will be more enjoyable, as good chemicals are being fired off in your neurology whenever you are together. Over time, you become more and more attached to her, more “in love”, you could say. You experience jealousy from time to time, you begin to miss her, you think about her a lot. And guess what? It turns out to be a very enjoyable experience. Other girls lose their hold on you. You look back on being single, and occasionally you miss the thrills of that, but it all seems slightly immature to you compared to these more developed ties you have. Watch out. It is kind of messed up, but girls in serious relationships tend to try (unconsciously) to turn you into a less attractive guy. You see it all the time, guys getting more and more submissive the longer they are in a relationship. In evolutionary terms, it means less competition from other girls for your girlfriend, and you are more likely that going to provide for her solely. She even feels more entitled to take on another lover with “better genes” than you, if you are walking around all day feeling submissive and less like a man. This is the kind of thing that happens to men who think that relationships are the “end of the game”, so to speak. That being single is a great misfortune, and that being a relationship is a boat full of happiness. As it turns out, being in a relationship is a lot harder work than being single. It takes a lot of thought and work and effort. As soon as you get lazy and stop putting in that effort, and get complacent, you are going to meet the consequences of that laziness. Think about how you are acting in the moment — not how cool you were when you started dating her, and how much you gave up to be with her — how much value you are offering in the moment, and then fifty years from now. It takes a lot to be on the ball like that all the time, but it is incredibly necessary if you want to make your relationship work.

The most important thing to consider when evaluating whether you want to be in a monogamous relationship or not, is whether it fits into your lifestyle. If you have a bunch of other things going on, if you are inspired by your work for instance, then you generally will not need other girls to give you excitement. You wake up in the morning with an ambitious attitude about so many things in your life, that to look over and see a woman that you love lying next to you is just another joy of life, who cares about other girls? This is your life, and you are bringing everything that you appreciate into it, including a girl that you want.

By: Graeme Alan

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This post was guest-written by Graeme, who runs a Relationship Blog, Couple on Couples, with his girlfriend. Couple on Couples is the only website where an actual couple discusses relationship topics, gives relationship advice, shares personal stories, and reviews relationship products.

The Ten Best Tips To Avoiding Divorce And Start Healing Your Marriage Today

There are more ways to cause damage to your marriage than there are ways to help heal your marriage. However, the tips to avoid divorce are effective when they come from tried and true sources. I believe that many marriages fail due to a passive approach to trying to get sympathy to save your marriage. Although this is one of the most natural reactions to marital problems it is more often than not the nail in the coffin.

To curl up and avoid the reality of life when love starts to fade only makes you less loveable and therefore speeds up this process. Even if you are the only one in your marriage willing to put forth the extra effort you can still make it work. Things are never what they seem. Always keep this in mind when you are dealing with your relationship. Nothing is certain unless you give up then it IS over.

In order to avoid divorce you must begin to heal yourself. Here I will outline certain critical steps to begin healing your marriage relationship and ultimately save your marriage.

1.GET MOTIVATED Get up, get out and get going with the rest of your life. Try and forget about what is going on in your married life if only for a few hours. This will get your blood flowing and your serotonin levels UP. You will gain a fresh perspective on the problem and ultimately gain some much needed energy. This is crucial to anyone suffering any emotional setbacks in life I do not know of one single problem solved by closing down being passive and waiting for things to get better. You have to make them better and you CAN do this.

2.IDENTIFY YOUR PROBLEMS Please try to take inventory of yourself first. Nothing gets solved when the blame game starts. So many times when couples are having trouble they project blame on each other. If he would only listen, She doesn’t even try to. If you can try to find some things about yourself that you can change for the better this will begin to show in your life and then your relationship will improve.

3.IDENTIFY THE ONE MAJOR ISSUE Laser focus your target issue so that you don’t waste time on unimportant things that can be fixed once your back on track. It is very important to choose your battles wisely. Often times couple will transfer their concerns in order to avoid the real problem. You will have more luck focusing on the one thing that is breaking you apart and eliminate it, than just trying to fix everything all at once.

4.PRACTICE LISTENING When I suggest this I mean really listening not just waiting to respond and say what you have to say. If you can truly listen to your spouse then it might make things much easier to understand the underlying issues and concerns that are at play here. This can help in so many untold ways. We are all guilty of bad listening skills sometimes. It is always a continuing practice that never ends. The best listeners make the best communicators and creates great communications. Some really good conversations can come from those who are closest to us and really know the real us.

5. DEVELOP NEW TACTICS TO APPROACH YOUR CONCERNS Obviously the ways you address your problems are currently not working all that well. Find new creative ways that will work like using *I* statements when your asking for changes. When your spouse does something that your not happy with address it right away before it builds up and gets out of hand. Think about it first and then with calm and collective premeditation help them understand the reason behind your requests in place of pointing a judgemental finger.

6. BUILD CONFIDENCE This one ties in with number one and I believe getting motivated during times of emotional duress is most important. It can be so tempting to want to shut down and say ‘hang it all’ but as said this is a guarantee to failure. If you build confidence outside of your marriage relationship it will spill over into your love life. Figure out what it is you lack in your life outside of your marriage and get it. Create small goals at first then build to bigger ones which build confidence. This does wonders for your self-esteem. Having good self esteem changes everything about how you perceive the world around you. Suddenly things are possible where before you were helpless to change things.

7.APPRECIATE YOUR DIFFERENCES You hopefully did not get married with the intention of changing your loved one into someone or something they are not. A good way to avoid conflict is to try and understand what the other person is going through. Too many times people want to change others’ behaviors that bother them. A good way to do this is to ask yourself the right questions like: “Why does this bother me so?” “Did it always bother me?” Sometimes these questions you ask yourself can resolve the issue before anything else is needed. Remember your vows and take them seriously. You should love this person for who they are inside.

8. ASSERTIVE UNDERSTANDING Your self respect is beyond price and although you may feel at times that you will do anything to save your marriage you should not jeopardize your self integrity or respect.If your spouse truly loves and respects you they will not ask anything of you that would compromise your principals. There are times when you will have to put your foot down and say “I love you but I am not going to do that.” When doing this be strong and help them to understand your situation in an assertive way. Demanding respect brings characteristics to the table that are appealing and attractive.

9.KNOWING WHEN SILENCE WORKS I am not suggesting ignoring in any way in fact just the opposite. If you are having problems some of the most impressive responses are silence. This can be unbelievably affective if used properly. It is an artform in communication technique to know at which point silence is the most appropriate and effective response. Sometimes when we argue the only way to handle it is to let it go.

The best advice I have ever been given is:

It can be hard to understand that the only way to let the clouded, muddy water clear is to just leave it alone.

10.HONESTY HONESTY HONESTY This one is tactic one to be placed before all things we do with our love. You must be honest with yourself with your spouse and with the whole of the relationship in order to fix things. Too many problems creep up and sprout out of dishonesty. Treat them like you would want to be treated is a golden rule for a reason.

Honesty is extremely rewarding and most of all unpredictable. I cannot tell you how many times being completely honest has helped my relationships when I thought it would doom it.

There are many things that we can do to help out our marriage relationship no matter how bad things might seem. The one thing that is certain to speed up failure is giving-up. Emotional pain is one of the strongest there is, you must overcome this. Whatever it takes outside help is suggested here. There have been amazing turn arounds in couples whom where thought destined to divorce.

You will need to implement the right course of action and get outside, objective information that works. Take action on this Save your marriage today system as it will help you to avoid divorce by improving the whole of your marriage.

Remember that anything is possible; and if you put your whole heart into something you can achieve what others see as miracles. As said the top tip to avoid divorce is to start the healing with you. You will need to find the right professional information if you are attempting this alone. It can be done, with the help people who know about what you are going through.

By: addy p.

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Find out how simple steps can help you begin to heal. For support and even more of the top Tips To Avoid Divorce no matter how bad it might seem. Even if you are the only one trying, it can be turned around. Learn 5 commonly told Marriage saving myths that could actually do more damage to your relationship.YOU CAN Save Your Marriage today by learning what professionals found works best.

Are You And Your Partner Compatible?

Many relationships fail simply because you are not compatible with your partner, and no matter how much you love each other the relationship is just not going to work out. In any relationships communication between partners is vital to make them successful, and if you are not compatible with your partner this will be lacking. For example you may like to express your feelings of love and what you desire openly, where as your partner will be reserved and introverted in this aspect. It is important from the very beginning to find out whether you are compatible with your partner. Many people mistake great sex as being a barometer of whether they are compatible or not but this is a physical relationship and that is where it stops.

Open the lines of communication to see if you are compatible with your partner

If you do not talk to each other and discuss your likes and dislikes how are you going to find if you are compatible with each other? Everyone is unique with different personalities. Perhaps you love socializing with groups of friends but your partner prefers intimacy, and in this case you can already ask yourself will this sort of relationship work? There are a number of compatibility quizzes that can be done which will help you get a better understanding of whether you are compatible with your partner. Relationships where both partners try and force the relationship to work will end up in disaster because you are putting in too much effort of pleasing each other. In any relationships there are going to be arguments and disagreements which is normal and should not be mistaken that you are not compatible with your partner. Openly communicating is vital to see if you are compatible with your partner!

You are compatible with your partner!

Partners that have similar interests and likes and dislikes will probably make a better success of relationships. If you are compatible with each other you can take your relationship to the next level. You will probably be compatible if you enjoy being alone together; and a great night out for both of you can simply be a date to eat out together sitting and talking about life and enjoying each others company. This is also a better way to get to know each other better and while doing this you will find out many things about your partner that make him/her compatible with you. This is relationship communication at its best! All relationships take time to develop and finding out whether you are compatible with your partner or not can also take time. Sometimes it is not a case of what you see is what you get, because initially out of shyness and the newness of the relationship, can make a partner a little less open about themselves.

A Soul mate Is The ultimate Compatibility in a relationship

Some people may be lucky enough to have discovered their soul mate, and if you have, then consider your self blessed because this means you are almost 100 percent compatible with each other. When you have this type of special partner then everything possible should be done to nurture the relationship into an unbreakable bond. No matter how compatible you may be with each other there will still be misunderstandings and arguments in this type of relationship, but after breaking up no doubt you will always end up making up because you were truly made for each other.

By: Richard Lifeswayz

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Learn ways to enjoy your relationship to the maximum by using advice, guides and experience from Richard. Use tips from this experienced author with confidence to help you make the right choices when things go wrong in relationships. Great Relationship Tips

Journey To A Better Relationship

The symbol for a journey towards a better relationship is a spiral. Growth itself is also a journey. Look at the center of a spiral, this is where life begins. As we walk on our journey we soon come to a challenge and descend into the shadow side.

This is where we face our fears, learn our lessons and begin to seek the light. We often do not notice the sun high in the sky on a bright summer day. But when we walk outside on a dark night we are drawn to the shiny stars, which are like pinholes in the night sky. Before modern technology we used these stars to find our way through the night.

Follow the line of the spiral through the darkness and you will see that it returns to the light. It does not just return but it goes even higher into the light. The reward for journeying into the dark is to bring the subconscious into the light for illumination. This gives us greater access to our sacred self by integrating the lessons of our shadow. The benefit of going through the dark and facing our fear is not only to heal our wounds and feel better but also to gather strength and tools to face other challenges in life.

Unfortunately, most people spend their lives and relationships hovering just above the centerline before the spiral dips down into the darkness for the second time. They stay stuck in dead end jobs that suck the life out of them. They settle for relationships that are dull, listless and boring. They resign themselves to a life of mediocrity in order to avoid the intensity of going through the growth process that requires facing the dark night of the soul. They focus on small things like getting a bigger house or car, losing ten pounds or buying more stuff that they hope will fill up the hole inside of them. It is not so much that they refuse to face their pain but rather that they don’t have any idea how to travel through their shadow side and create a better relationship.

The first time we go through the process we are like a fool going along on our merry way until the floor drops out from under our feet and lands us on our bottom in a pile of crap. We are completely innocent and totally destroyed. No wonder 95% of people live their lives statistically similar to their parents.

Only 5% of the population will profoundly change their lives from what they experienced as children in ways such as social-economic status, level of education, even living within a 50-mile radius. The number one reason for this stagnation is lack of growth. Why? As human beings we like homeostasis. For most people change is like a bolt of lightning and comes as an external force such as getting laid off from your job.

Positive change happens in the same way like a chance meeting that leads to marriage or finding out you are pregnant. Because change happens as a blast we are not prepared and struggle to get grounded again. So life has taught us that change is scary, and that we have no power or control. The blast of change that “happens” to us forces us to feel emotions that we have buried, after all it is not feelings of happiness that we are avoiding.

Just like sharks need to move in order to breathe or to live, as human beings we need to grow in order to thrive. We have the free will to tread water. Treading water keeps us in that stuck place and prevents us from feeling pain. But treading water comes with an enormous price tag it blocks our ability to grow, which makes our lives mean, small and narrow. The one question I ask my clients that I believe determines how one moves through difficult things in their lives is “Why do we have life and what happens when we die?” Most people who will answer that there is something more after life and that some how what we do here affects what will happen after we die; that we are here to learn something for some reason.

I was talking about this with one client in particular who had an extremely violent and abusive childhood. She stared at me with terror in her eyes and spat out with venom “So you think that there is a reason that my dad did all those horrible things to me”. And I looked back into her eyes with love and compassion and said think about it this way, wouldn’t it be worse if there was no reason. No reason for all the pain and suffering on this earth.

No reason for all the awful things that people go through and do. Because to me be that would be cruel and pointless and depressing. And God would have to have a sick sense of humor. And I challenged her to think about how those experiences have shaped her life, who she is because of what she has been through and what she has learned. And over time she was able to release the pain and forgive in a way that left her whole and at peace.

Yes life is full of crap. But if you allow and if you chose to struggle and feel again and start walking on your journey again. Then you can let all that crap decompose and turn into a rich fertilizer that you can then use to grow strong and tall. Everyone has crap. Every life has pain. That is not something we can avoid, it just happens to us.

But everyone also has the free will to get stuck in the never ending but tolerable dull ache or to dig in and feel that pain briefly and intensely, which will lead to opening your heart up again to love and joy and happiness. To be whole requires us to embrace our light and our shadow side. What doesn’t kill us makes us whole. It is only in the darkness that we can seek the light. Where fear and anger and resentment grips your life there you will find your victories.

As endless beings we are destined to heal everything and become whole. It is our free will that determines how long it will take us to begin the healing process by facing the darkness. It is only by walking through the dark night of the soul that we can come to stand in the full light of day and journey to a better relationship with all those in our lives.

By: Jean Kadkhodaian

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Best Ways To Build A Strong Marriage

Falling in love and getting married embarks on a journey which can turn sweet or sour depending on the way we drive through it. A successful marriage emerges from being the right mate, rather than finding one. It is a commitment of a lifetime, which is built over trust, love and respect.

Marriage entails being available to our partners, understanding them, sharing their grief and laughter, dreaming their dreams and supporting their goals. Let go of the ego and profess unconditional love that makes marriages more successful. Couples in troubled marriages need to have open and deep communication between them to share their issues and concerns. This fosters a deep understanding and care for each other. Do not be a stranger to your partner or you will end up living separate lives.

Success of a marriage will depend upon the emotional dependence of the partners, their trust on each other and the balance which they are able to keep between their ego and love. It all points to unconditional love for each other. These traits can only be nurtured by constant and conscious efforts from both partners. Such a marriage will withstand any stormy circumstances.

How to build a strong marriage?

Building strong marriage is a continuous process which evolves over time with the marriage itself. Couples need to show each other how much they are loved and valued. The lack of appreciation triggers a feeling of discontent and insecurity which leaves the door wide open for dissension to come in.

Honesty is of utmost importance for building a strong marriage. When you speak truth, trust follows automatically. Relationships cannot be built on lies. Your partner must have believed in you to be able to share their feelings and intimacy. Many a times, marriage is also an association of two individuals with different needs and expectations.

You must show your partner that you can be relied upon in difficult times as mutual trust is the basis of a strong and successful marriage. Distrust and dishonesty are destroyers of marriage. Without honesty it is impossible to respect each other as well as resolve conflicts weakening the very roots of marriage. Respecting each other’s space, mutual trust and open communication are few traits which need to be inculcated in a relationship as important as marriage.

Marriages can also be successful if the partners keep their ego within themselves, rather than throwing it at each other. Arguments should have its place in a successful married life as they make you realize the importance of love in relationships. Couples need to be emotionally positive and sensitive towards each other. Refrain from ‘having the last word’ attitude if your want to build a healthy and strong marriage.

Complacency is another reason which impacts married life negatively. With time our priorities in life changes, life becomes busier and we start taking the relationship for granted. In the process the partner even feels neglected. Couples need to avoid this complacency by maintaining the spontaneity and passion in their love. Surprise gifts and appreciations in public can help in building a happy and strong married life.

By: Rhyme n Reason

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