Ideally, marriage is supposed to last for years, even decades. Anything that goes on for that long is bound to hit a few rough spots, some valleys between the peaks. But that doesn’t mean you can’t make an effort to keep things upbeat and happy.

Here are five things that turn a man on after marriage. Try these and see if things don’t brighten almost immediately.

1) Stay connected with him.

If he’s working and you’re a stay-at-home mom, or if you’re both working, you’re going to have many hours each day when you’re not only apart from each other, but doing very different things.

Don’t let this keep you apart more than it needs to. Send e-mails or text messages during the day, or make phone calls if possible. Make sure when you see each other at the end of the day that you ask how his day was and genuinely listen to his answers.

Schedule at least one night a week as an official “date night,” when you get rid of the kids and spend an evening alone — home watching a movie, or out to dinner, or something else enjoyable and relaxing.

All of this lets your husband know that all the hassles and pressures of daily life haven’t made you forget about him. And you’ll see he hasn’t forgotten about you, either.

2) Surprise him.

Variety is the spice of life, right? Every now and then, do something he’ll like that he knows is against your usual patterns. If he’s always hinting that he wishes you’d have dinner waiting for him when he gets home — but it’s not feasible because you both work the same schedule — then get off early sometime and surprise him with dinner.

If he loves bowling but you hate it, then why not suggest it one night? He’ll be touched that you made the effort for him, and you can still have a good time being with him, even if the activity isn’t your cup of tea.

3) Keep the passion alive.

Everyone jokes about how marriage is the cure for sex, and there’s good reason. Within a few months, the passion usually dies down and couples fall into a rut: the same old sex in the same old positions at the same old times.

Unfortunately, the husband’s sex drive usually stays the same as it ever was; it’s the wife’s that diminishes.

Never “force” yourself to be intimate with your husband, but do what you can to keep the mood alive. Scented candles or lingerie can work wonders — men really are very easy to please — and can keep that spice alive even if the sex isn’t quite as frequent as it used to be.

4) Be positive.

Nagging is most men’s NUMBER ONE complaint about their wives.

Don’t become a stereotypical wife who complains constantly to her husband. All people, men and women, respond much better to positive reinforcement.

When something is amiss, bring it up in a way that suggests calmness, rationality, and analysis. Don’t say, “We need more money.”

Say, “What can we do to stretch our budget a bit further?” When there’s something that doesn’t have a positive angle — like a leak in the roof or a furnace that’s on the fritz — tell him the news in as sympathetic a way as possible.

You’re in this together, remember.

So saying, “That cheap furnace you bought has quit working” isn’t going to be productive. Even if it was a bad purchase, and you did tell him so, there’s no sense bringing it up now.

5) Laugh.

This can’t be overstated. Laughter is the key to happiness in marriage. If you’re laughing at each other, it means you’re able to affectionately tease and play together.

If you’re laughing together at something else, it means you share a common sense of humor. It’s a bonding experience.

Of course, men and women often laugh at different things. The lowbrow movies he guffaws at might leave you cold, while he despises the “chick flick” romantic comedies.

You know where you can find common ground? TV. TV comedies are usually neither lowbrow nor romantic, but more mainstream and middle-of-the-road.

They’re meant to appeal to everyone, and the good ones do. Try to find something you can watch regularly together that makes you both laugh. And don’t forget live theater, too. Not only can you find a funny play to enjoy in your community, but it’s an evening out of the house, too.

Husbands and wives can drift apart over time without even realizing it’s happening. Communication and compassion are vital.

Let him know you love him as often as possible and always look on the positive side of things. Make home a happy place for the two of you, a refuge from the world.

After 10 years of marriage, you may be wondering how things are going along. You may even be frustrated because you see your marriage changing.

It should not surprise you that your marriage has changed within 10 years. After all, you may have been in your twenties when you married, and now you find your self in your thirties.

Are You Concerned with Mid-life Issues?

Although it would be more likely for it to happen in the next five or ten years, you may find yourself experiencing a milder form of midlife crisis. If this is true, it needs to be dealt with

Where can you look for marriage help? Christian resources are a good place to look. Marriage is held in such a high esteem in Christian circles, you can find many good resources on the subject. You can also find Christian resources on the subject of mid-life crises.

Have You Had Children?

In this period of time, you may have had children. They change your schedules. This contributes to tiredness, sometimes worry, and usually adds some measure of stress. You may love your children dearly, but they clearly do bring changes to any marriage.

If you do not have the surprising goal for child-rearing in mind, you can further compound the frustration over the changes that children bring to marriage. (What is that surprising goal for child-rearing? It is that you raise them to leave. You raise them to become independent, etc. If either of you puts your children in competition with, or over, your spouse, you set up a very difficult situation.

Are these changes serious or normal? They can be either. If they are normal, look for ways to enrich your marriage. On the other hand, do a good checkup on your marriage. If things seem to be serious and getting out of hand, take steps now to restore your marriage. More than likely things will not get better just by chance.

Has Your Physical Intimacy Been Affected?

Stress, tiredness and changes of schedule can affect your marriage in the area of physical intimacy. You need to take steps to make sure that you keep the physical bond present in your relationship.

Are You Growing Weary in Your Commitment?

The main thing is to renew your commitment to overcoming adversity. In your marriage vows, you probably promised to support each other through times of financial stress, sickness, and worsening situations. Now is the time to come through on those promises.

The simple fact of the matter is that you will go through changes. Now is the time to help each other make it through them.

When you do your marriage checkup after 10 years of marriage, look to see if you have a balanced marriage. A healthy marriage will have a balance across six basic areas of marriage.

Since you have answered these basic questions, you may have seen that the changes were normal, but if the frustration these changes have caused is quite strong, you may need to take some major steps to correct some things. If you find yourself wanting to escape the marriage because of these changes, then things are indeed serious. Get some good information that will help.

What are the basic areas you should check up on after ten years of marriage? We have touched upon three of them here: Leaving, Overcoming, and Experiencing Intimacy. When you put three more basic areas with these three, all six of them are the same ones that help you to see whether the changes you have been going through are normal or serious. Achieving success in each of those areas will not only restore your marriage, but it will lead you to marital bliss as well.