I believe we all carry within us the capability to be great leaders and I also believe that marriage can be a platform to learning outstanding leadership skills. This article is to help us understand the opportunities we have as a spouse to invoke certain leadership skills while learning to serve one another.

I’ve recently had the privilege of speaking to couples who have been married more than 50 years and asked what they felt contributed to the strength of their marriages. I wanted to show that we are all capable of being leaders, and to make the choice to do so is sometimes enough.

I also wanted to share their love, their leadership and their lives together as a couple to encourage each of us to be enough in our own way to our spouses.

Does it take more than serving others to be a great leader? You tell me…

Although there are plenty of good books that have been published on the subject of marriage I found this particular perspective shared by Robert Kieling, of North Carolina very apropos to marriage and leadership.

• “Always remember that as humans, we are not perfect. We ALL make mistakes.”
• “Be tolerant, patient and forgiving.”
• “Show love by deed and actions, don’t just say it.”
• “Be humorous, not a clown, but bring out laughter.”
• “Banter with one another, it keeps the levity going.”
• “Be affectionate, considerate, caring and giving.”

This was my personal favorite:

• “Remember the qualities in your loved one that brought you to the alter in the first place. Work at keeping those feelings in front of you always without taking one another for granted. After 50 years, I still do windows, help plant flowers and take out the garbage.”

Bob hasn’t invented anything new he says, nor does he have a secret potion, he simply believes that it’s just being with each other with no “false fronts” that created the strength in their marriage. Imagine if each of us had these leadership skills ingrained in us; what a different kind of world we would have.

Make a commitment to serve and lead in your marriage, in your community and in your workplace. Perhaps learning to be a great leader simply means you too can say, “I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.”

Are you unhappy with your relationship? Is your romantic life on a verge of a break off! What most of us are going to answer is YES! In today’s world it is really difficult to keep a happy long lasting relationship. Marriage or dating whatever you are into, you find it difficult to keep the relation happy and long lasting. The life today is over stressed both men and women career oriented, they give 100% to their work. But it is not only the job where you have to give your 100% a relationship too needs that cent percent.

Every relationship undergoes its own phases of good and bad times. No relationship is perfect No relationship stays without a laugh, a hug, an argument, a misunderstanding, a cry. Initially all the relationship move smoothly but with the passage of time many relationships lose the charm and romance of their relationship. There is argument, conflict and bitterness resulting in separation.

During good times you take things for granted and forget to make efforts to keep the relationship intact. A relationship demands hard work. You have to work towards your relationship to make it happy and long lasting. Little steps taken in daily life make your relationship sweeter. When bad times are in there is all bitterness in your relation. The more you try to get stability in your relation the more it seems to deteriorate. You land up messing your relationship. You never know how things went wrong. All of a sudden there is a sense of coldness between you and your partner. At times we take a relationship for granted and ignore what our partner wants from us. And then there are times when we want to keep up a relationship but are unable to do so. Both the partners should know what they need from each other as well as what they expect from each other.

When you know what you want and expect from each other you have a way out to keep a healthy relationship. Remember a time when your relation went sour as you were not able to understand him/her or when in spite of loving your partner you landed in a break off. In a relationship there are times when you are really hurt, abused and angry and are on the verge of a separation, it is then you look for someone to give you advice. There are a number of ways to keep your relationship happy and long lasting such as understanding each others need, communicating openly what is within, showing honesty and loyalty. What you really require is an unbiased advice. Here we have 101 ways for you to keep your relationship happy and long lasting.

The day you get married is one of the happiest moments in your life. (It was, right?) You and your spouse went in with a strong dedication and love for each other. At that moment, you never suspect that intense feelings will end.

Ok, now, fast-forward to reality. Unfortunately, feelings change because that’s simply the nature of emotions. You can’t lean on them - they make a lousy foundation for anything. Good feelings or bad!

When Reality Bites

Despite best intentions, it is normal (absolutely, positively normal) for the early romantic, sparkly, fireworks of feelings and passion in your marriage to diminish. This is true of every relationship - every one of them.

So if (when) this happens in yours, take courage - it doesn’t mean something is wrong. Rather, it means something is quite normal, and you need to build your marriage on a foundation much more firm than ever-changing feelings.

Circumstances change as well. Children, jobs and other commitments take up time, frequently leaving little remaining for your spouse. Since your mate is busy too, it is easy then to fall into the trap of putting each other’s needs and interests on the back burner.

As time passes, it can become way too easy to take each other for granted as well. For example, you rely on your spouse to be reliable and then forget to thank him/her for all the things done as an expression of love toward you. In turn, your beloved might feel underappreciated and even neglected.

Keeping that Loving Feeling

Though the intensity of your feelings will wane, the good news is that great romance doesn’t need to as well once the marriage vows are spoken. Since real love is an expression of commitment - not feelings - it will take effort from both parties to continually remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. With some effort and intentionality, you can still experience an even deeper love for decades.

Be realistic about your expectations, though. The beginning of your relationship may have been wine, roses and spontaneity - couples generally put their best foot forward in the early stages of a budding relationship. However in marriage, other important, time-consuming responsibilities may make it difficult - if not impossible - to continue the same pattern with nearly the frequency.

Love in the Little Things

Nevertheless, it is still possible to recreate the same passion and romance as at the start of your relationship. For example, doing small things for your partner can really help him/her feel loved and appreciated.

These “little things” include words and actions that are important to your mate, not necessarily to you. Over time, you will learn what is his/her “love language” and then routinely demonstrate your love that way. Such little things help strengthen a maturing marriage.

Additionally, try to develop a habit of sincerely telling your partner of your love each day. These consist of those three little words but for some reason they can be as hard to articulate as “I’m sorry.” However, those words mean quite a bit - your spouse needs to hear them. So avoid the error of assuming you don’t need to actually express your love verbally simply because the other person “already knows” you love them.

Another simple phrase to ingrain in your vocabulary is “thank you.” You need not wait for a grand event to use these words. If you spouse brings you coffee or even takes out the trash, make sure you thank them. It feels good to be appreciated and pays marital dividends both in the short and long-term.

Occasionally add little surprises to your beloved’s life. A note posted on the bathroom mirror or sending an email to him/her at work are quick, easy - and meaningful. They are effective because such expressions let your spouse know that you are thinking of them.

As marriages mature, the passion and time for romance may dwindle because life happens. It just does, so accept that as part of your long-term reality. That isn’t a bad thing - just different from dating. Unfortunately, this makes it then easy to take you partner for granted. Thus, a little extra effort each day on both sides can go a long way toward keeping the heart fires burning.

Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week and 365 days a year is a long time to spend with someone - til death do us part you committed (thus at times making the death angle tempting…).

Even if you madly love your better half, there are times you both will need a break from one another. Couples who allow each other some time to themselves actually help make their marriage better. So some will have to fight the insecurity urge to go this route.

Honey, Are You Home?

After a long day at work, most people need at least a little time to unwind. It can be an hour or just five minutes, time to read the paper or time to sift through the mail - but those stolen moments can help let go of the workday emotionally. Spouses who routinely have this break are better prepared to face the adventures of home life.

This can be hard, especially if one spouse has a job outside the home and the other stays home with children. Usually by the time the employed spouse crosses the threshold, his/her partner is desperate for a break. (Be honest. It is easy to forget that even though the spouse at home may not be earning income, this person has no doubt been far busier than imaginable.)

Spouses who are able to work out a compromise can have each person’s needs met. For example, permit one spouse to have a reasonable amount of time alone at the work day’s end. Then make sure that the other gets the same opportunity. Alternate who goes first each day or week if that helps. Time commitments may not allot for a large chunk of time each day, but every little bit helps.

Argh! Go Away

No matter how much you love your spouse, when you are angry it can be hard to be in the same room with them. Ok, you get that. But conflicts have a better chance of reaching a happy resolution if both parties can/will discuss the problem calmly. Giving your beloved space during or after an argument can help you both calm down.

Of course, it is important to address the real issue at some point - ignoring it allows the problem to fester and grow rather than go away. Try to find a time that works best for both of you to talk and gently hammer through the issues.

You Go Ahead

It is a rare couple that enjoys all the same activities. Typically, there will be activities that one spouse enjoys while the other has his/her sights elsewhere. As long as finances and time allow, sometimes it is simply best to allow your spouse to go off alone. That creates an environment where your mate can enjoy a little time to the fullest and let you have the same.

Most couples enjoy spending time together. Even the closest spouses, however, need some time apart. Couples who are willing to give each other the “gift” of space can actually make the marriage more vibrant.

Although Legal Separation and Divorce have a lot in common, there is still a fine line drawn between them called “Hope for Reconciliation”. So unlike Divorce, marriage does not necessarily have to end with Legal Separation where couples remain married to each other, enjoying an allowable amount of single hood benefits at the same time taking advantage of the martial advantages. This includes the retention of benefits like medical and dental care. If the issue in the marriage is about religious differences, the couple could remain married while attending separate churches. A Military Spouse may also want to gain from the Uniformed Service Former Spouse Protection Act, if she stays ten years in the marriage. For civilians, retaining the marital status for ten years will reap certain benefits from their spouse’s Social Security. Legal Separation also makes the transition to Divorce easier where the settlement can simply be converted.

But why not just get up and leave? Some think that giving separation over to the hands of the law is just a waste of money. What they miss out on is the fact that they can, in reality, save money and spare the people involved from stressful separation. The main idea of Legal Separation is to protect the interests of all parties concerned whether or not it would be best to end the union or get back it back together. Legal Separation will give the husband, wife, and offspring if they have any, a picture of how life possibly could be without each other. It will help determine how the assets will be divided, how the bills will be paid and who will do it, and how the mail should be taken care of. The best part of this option, which smarter couples are aware of, is the protection from being held responsible for each other’s debts, liabilities and taxes as soon as the separation is legalized. Unfortunately, not all states recognize and permit Legal Separation. In the states of Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Pennsylvania and Texas where you cannot legalize separation, a couple may secure Temporary Orders to protect themselves until the Divorce is finalized.

There are a couple of prerequisites for Legal Separation that must be followed. The couple has to meet the state’s residency requirements firstly, which after having met all; they can file a petition for legal separation with the help of an attorney. The petition will constitute the separation agreement inclusive of child custody and support, visitation, marital support, division of marital assets, and the changes which may affect everyday life, especially minors involved in the picture. The agreement will also state how long the separation will be ergo, when it will end. But like Divorce, there are circumstances when the couple is filing separately, or one of the two may not agree to the stipulations of the petition, this where serving and counter-petition comes in. It isn’t until approval is granted by the judge that the proviso will be carried out.

Of course you were prepared for this, you’ve pep-talked yourself a dozen of times that this is what you wanted. But when it comes down to the real thing, you suddenly forget a few important changes you need to begin with. Follow the checklist below or create one of your own that will outline the most significant (major!) reconstruction you have to do with your life.

B - BASK IN THE FEELING OF SINGLENESS. Don’t rush going into another relationship. Remind yourself that one of the reasons why you left marriage is owing to the fact that you have sacrificed much of yourself for the sake of another. Divert your attention from the neediness to be with someone by going over the legal requirements post-divorce.

I - INSURANCE FOR YOURSELF. So the previous insurance was canceled after the divorce settlement. Go and get one. Remember that without insurance, you will miss out on the benefits you are entitled to.

G - GO THROUGH THE POST DIVORCE PAPERS CAREFULLY. What with experiencing an emotional rollercoaster, your head was somewhere out there even as you set your attention to your legal counsel who was explaining and reviewing the finalizations. Never simply accept a clause you cannot understand to avoid regrets in the end.

C - CHANGE YOUR LAST NAME. Make singleness a little more obvious this way but more importantly, do this to state nonverbal acceptance and announcement that you are officially single.

H - HYPOTHESIZE A NEW FINANCIAL PLAN. This is a great help especially for single parents. Now that you’re earning alone for you and your child, a financial plan will help outline and define which aspects of your lives will need money the most and which ones could be altered or removed altogether.

A - ALIMONY REVIEW. The Alimony clause is the most important statement you have to fully understand just in the very case it isn’t being served or paid properly by the former spouse. If you’re the one paying for it, you might want to set up the mode of payment just in the very case your commitment to pay it maybe questioned.

N - NEGATE JOINT ACCOUNTS. As long as your account is shared with your former spouse, you also run the risk of sharing their debts. It would even be better to do this earlier, either when divorce is imminent, grounds for divorce is obvious or while you’re filing for divorce.

G - GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. If you’re staying in a place that haunts you with painful memories or even simply memories that weigh your productivity down, move to another city, town or country where you can start again.

E - ENJOY THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE GOING THROUGH POST-DIVORCE. Your family says “We understand” but they really won’t unless they’ve gone through divorce themselves. Your lawyer says “I am here for you” but only while the case is sill on-going. So who could better understand you than people who are going through or have been through divorce? Ask for some insights, you might just find new friends.

This checklist spells B.I.G.C.H.A.N.G.E. What does your checklist spell?